I heard something on NPR on Saturday, and it really was just a minor tidbit,but it has consumed my thoughts for days:

A Baby Shower for the Dad-to-Be.

Apparently , this is turning into a huge thing. And I must admit, I had a slight twinge of hope that, at last, fathers were being included in the festivities surrounding birth. That hopeful twinge turned into a stab of horror when I heard the commentator's next statement, which went something like this: "I hear its a twist on the bachelor party- the guys go do something that dad won't be able to do once the baby is born."

Excuse me? Two thoughts went flying through my head, almost simultaneously. Those thoughts were:

1. WTF? So now everything surrounding a male's association with family (besides earning the money for it) turns out to be something that is a regrettable loss from their previous lifestyle? Something to be lamented?

2. How come nobody thought of that for the mom?

Because,lets be honest. The person who is really going to sacrifice doing the stuff that they want to do when the baby is born is Mom. Hands down. No freaking way are you ever going to convince me that a man makes the same kind of sacrifices as a woman with a newborn. Or with a toddler. Or with a teenager. I will accept the exceptions to the rule, yes, but generally speaking, how many times out of ten will a father pronounce he's had to leave work early to get dinner ready, or not be able to work out with his running buddies because of a young one's baseball game, or lost sleep at night because a child was sick? I'm going hazard a guess at 1. Maybe 1.5, to account for the one that actually did stay up with the sick child. And it really just sickens me to think that men are doing this male version of a baby shower because they are going to give up going out with the boys once baby comes. Yeah, right.

I'm really sorry that men aren't given the same opportunity to celebrate being a father as women are being a mother, but I also have a hard time believing a "Football and Diaper" day is the right way to start feeling more involved. I've heard co-ed baby showers are on the rise as well, and that's great too! Be happy! You're gonna be a father! But don't stand there and demand beer and poker because you "deserve" something like a going away party from the life of a happily married man-do it because there's another reason to celebrate. Then make the real commitment and support your wife by parenting as much you work. Before crying about fatherhood, try rearranging your work schedule so that wifey gets the same time away from the kids as you do, then we can talk.

And yet, on the other side of this theme, is an AMAZING idea for an expectant mother! Now I haven't been to many baby showers, but they are pretty horrible. Really- I am SO not interested in trying to figure out what kind of chocolate bar has been melted into a grotesque poop smear onto a diaper. Hooray for babies, no hooray for poop. I'll see enough of it when I have a kid.

But what if, as a mom-to-be, I'm offered to do something I won't be able to do for a while when carrying around a diaper bag? I do really like the sound of that....

So now I've decided that for MY baby shower, I'm getting a mani-pedi, my hair done, perhaps even a facial, and enjoying a girls day out, free of children. Bring your gifts, but we're gonna leave them at the house.

Then I want a date night with my husband, where we will swoon all over each other, and there will be candlelight and roses, and then we can laugh at the baby toys when we get home. I'm liking it already.

Sorry guys, you aren't invited. Tell my baby-daddy congratulations and take him out to the cigar shop, but DON'T YOU DARE complain about all the things he will have to bid goodbye to within the next few months. I don't even want to hear that shit.