After a Visit to the Red Cross

I have been to the hospital twice in my life. I'm not really allergic to any medicines. I don't have any scary diseases, and I know exactly what's in the vitamins I take every morning. Why then, is it that every time I go to the Red Cross to donate blood I twitch and fidget throughout the excruciatingly long "medical history" questions like Tom Sawyer in front of the preacher on Sunday.
Hearing the nice lady in a lab coat rattle off long names of diseases I have never heard of and could never even try to repeat to you, I panic and wonder if maybe there's something my doctor isn't telling me. I may know that they stopped making bovine insulin a while ago, but what if my humalog vial has been sabotaged? Does it count if the factory is near a farm?
I try not to giggle when the sex questions come up, because even though I wasn't even born in 1980, the fact that I might have had sexual contact with a man who had sex with another man since 1980 is slightly humorous to me.
Yes, I have had AIDS and have discovered a miracle cure, becoming the only person to have ever once had AIDS. Being a very selfish person, I have hidden this discovery from the rest of the world. What a horrible question! And now thanks for bringing it up and making me feel guilty for not saying anything to the other people out there suffering.
Have I ever had sex in exchange for money? Interesting question. Does it count if he bought me dinner afterwards? Ha.
Have I ever used needles to inject drugs or anything else not prescribed by my doctor? I think that if I were to answer yes to this question, I should be draining the blood bag and not filling it. No ma'am, the hole-y scars on my arm are from the last time you stuck and extremely large needle into my vein.
Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I should create a short questionnaire to ask a prospective sex-partner, in order to cover all the basics: are you from africa? have you ever been to africa? do you have hemophilia or another blood clotting disease? have you had sex with another man since 1980? have you ever taken money in exchange for sex? You know, all the main things that are foremost on my mind. I want to give blood again, right? Especially since I'm still keeping that AIDS cure locked in my basement. :o)






On a much more serious note, I think it should be known that I have the utmost respect for people living with AIDS and do not wish, by any means, to belittle them. Also that I think it is wrong to refuse to allow someone who wishes to give of his own blood for the benefit of another human being simply because of his sexual preference.